26 Comments to Parent WIN: Mom Owns Daughter On Facebook
Her daughter lied about her age, yet she wants to get teenage boys in trouble? I don’t agree with trying to tarnish their reputations for the rest of their lives, because HER daughter lied. She is the one who did wrong here. How is a 16 year old boy supposed to know when a girl is lying about their age? The mom should have never let her kid have a facebook at that age to begin with.
Personally I am disgusted by this parent. She knows her daughter has lied about her age, and yet she threatens these guys who were lied to. And she is publicly calling her daughter a whore basically. Horrible parenting skills.
I have a huge problem with condemning the guys that are lied to by the girls.
This is soooo much fail. Instead of actually communicating with her daughter BEFORE she gets to the sneaking out stage, she waits until after she gets caught, tells the world on Facebook her daughter is a skank, then tries to get teenage guys that have been lied to in trouble? Guaranteed this girl is pregnant and on drugs by age 14 with a mom like this. Book it.
Seriously? Are these other commenters joking? This is a total parenting win, and let me break down why:
1) Detailed and immediate consequences for irresponsible behavior on the part of the daughter.
2) Threatened consequences for people taking advantage of the relative anonymity of the internet to use a social networking medium as an alternative to porn/bars/ACTUAL socialization with real live peers.
Now, I’m not saying that a parent allowing a 12 year old to have a cell phone and a Facebook account doesn’t bear some of the responsibility for that child’s actions, but taking action when the kid has proven themselves incapable of mature and safe use of those media is not a FAIL. It’s doing their job as a parent.
I think that the mother should have been monitoring her daughters internet usage a lot closer well before it got to this stage. I have a 12 year old son, and he is not allowed to use the internet unsupervised, and I have to have all his passwords. I check his Facebook probably as often as he does, just to make sure he’s not getting himself into any trouble.
Considering a lot of guys just assume someone is old enough to date, this is a good lesson to all those boys to ask first before getting burned. How many times has someone in their 20′s assume a girl is of legal age, only to find out later that she lied, was actually 16, and the guy gets charged with statutory rape?
The cops probably won’t charge these boys, and hopefully give them a talk about covering their own butts instead of assuming that the person isn’t lying. It’s a hard lesson, but a necessary one.
With a Mother like that, the girl will likely grow up to become a hooker.
This is just the kind of knee-jerk reaction that, when I was a kid, only spurned me on to act out more.
Kids don’t usually get that parents love them and are trying to look out for them. They don’t typically get that until they’re in their 20s or so.
What parents need to understand is that your child is a person. People have desires, goals, and free will. You can not, in any way, ever control your child; or any person really. CAN NOT!
I stress this because children know this. There are computers at school, cell phones, friends’ computers, public library computers, and plain old dating without computers. You can’t lock her in her room until she’s 18.
The more you crack down, the more she will find ways through the cracks. And, believe me, there are so many obvious ways it’s easy.
When my parents tried to control me I did not see it as love, rather tyranny. It taught me a lot about control, and the dynamics of social and technological manipulation.
1: I learned how to lie really well very quickly. I told them what they want to hear. I make it good. I added emotion. I told them I understood that they were just trying to protect me and that I’d behave from now on. I learned how to look people in the eye while lying, and how to lay low with activity for a week or two until they trusted me and let off. Then, I went back to doing what I wanted to do.
I learned that people believe that they are right, and are very willing to hear what they want you to say. Basically, in short, I learned at about thirteen how to be a corrupt politician and wear masks when needed.
2: It taught me how to cover up everything. My parents would show me how they busted me. So, I learned how to clear histories and data that were sensitive. I learned about encryption, proxy severs, browser history, and cookies. I learned how to search for and delete history and files that would give me away.
3: It taught me not to trust people, at least for a long time. How could I ever tell my parents I was having a problem without destroying the image for them I created in step one? I had to deal with problems alone, with peers, or with older people online because I could not come to them without giving myself away and risking being punished. They stressed time and again that I could come to them about anything. But honestly, I couldn’t without them freaking out. I would only come to them if I felt I had no other out.
It damaged our relationship for years. At times I felt my parents didn’t love me because they didn’t even know anymore who I was. I felt my relationship with them was fake. And I regretted that I was put into a position where I needed to make things that way.
4: I rebelled at every chance I got. I picked the rebel archetype for dates because it represented freedom from what I felt I had at home. I drank, I smoked (more than just tobacco) and I had a lot of sex. I wanted to prove to them and myself that I was my own person; that my feelings were valid and that my goals were important. I constantly felt suppressed by demoralizing remarks like ‘you’re too young’ ‘you don’t know any better’ ‘we’re only trying to protect you.’
Looking back, I know they loved me and just wanted me to be healthy. I understand why, now that I’m older. But I still feel it’s the wrong way to parent.
It creates a wall between parents and children and makes relationships into a ‘social game.’ It forces the child to withdraw and create for you the image that you want to see.
This is very dangerous. Because now you, as the parent, have no idea what’s really going on in your child’s life. And the child, stranded, now has to go through adolescence alone. They don’t feel safe coming to you, the parent, for help for fear of you freaking out and cracking down harder. They are forced to solve their problems alone and keep up a fake image of ‘everything’s great.’
This puts them in a position where they are at risk for drug addiction, being kidnapped and or raped, and even possibly being killed. I am sometimes surprised none of these things happened to me, looking back.
And, by the way, threatening your child with these things only makes them think you’re paranoid and trying to scare them into being your slave. I know, because that’s what went through my mind when I was that age.
A parent needs to let go of all illusions of control. A parent needs to establish a truly open and honest line of communication that is not based around crack downs, threats, and condescending comments.
Your children are entering a point in their lives where they will need your guidance perhaps more than at any other point. They need you to be calm, not paranoid. They need you to be forgiving, not a prison warden. They need you to be honest about your past and your experiences, not presenting to them the ‘perfect child’ version of their past that they want you to replicate. They need you to listen to them and value their views. Even if you don’t agree with them, talk and understand. They need you not be a flashing warning light of doom and gloom. They need you to be human.
Parents fear that if they give up the authoritarian image that their children will not respect them and just run rampant. What happens instead is that their children disrespect them for being authoritarian, make a false image for you, and then run rampant anyway. Only now, there is a fog of war and a wall of stone built between both parties. And, honestly, both the parent and the child suffer from this.
There ia no such thing as too strict with this type of behavior at that age. Internet and phones are privileges, not rights. If use of them has been abused, they should be removed. Also know, if you have kids at this age, you can talk to them early on. You can supervise and be protective as possible. They will still try to get away with things. Drugs and sex are being encountered as early as 4th & 5th grade. Maybe earlier, but that’s when we learned of it.
I’m just wondering when public humiliation had become an acceptable form of punishment. Nobody likes to be humiliated, especially on such a public level as this. All this mother is doing is scarring her child for life. Imagine for a minute the consequences actions like this could potentially have on the child. It could be even worse than the child’s actions themselves. This is not a matter that you air out in public. This is something you should sit down and actually talk to your child about, and limit their social media, but don’t make a big public spectacle about it. Parenting should not be a 3 ring circus for the whole world to see.
“i have notified her middle school that if she is caught using anyone’s cell phone that it will be taken and given to the parent when they come to school to claim it.”
really? you TOLD the school board what they would do? i think that’s what you were TRYING to say… but what you made it look like was that you would follow her around all day and confiscate phones yourself. idiot.
facebook isn’t supposed to be used by anyone under the age of 13. more shitty parenting. along with threatening the boys on her list with legal action for being lied to…
jenny, you’re just as stupid as this parent. action taken would be deletion of the account, not public humiliation and shaming of other kids.
1) This woman thinks she has the power to tell the school to take other kids’ cell phones? If I was another kid in that school, I’d tell her AND the school to bite my ass.
2) This girl needs to be punished and have her FB deleted, but why is public humiliation acceptable? It seems like it’s only okay to do to kids. Public humiliation is public humiliation, and isn’t acceptable to do to anyone.
This girl needs a severe talking to and to be punished, but the mother needs a smack across the head for being as stupid.
You guys really think a little public humiliation is extreme? Just look at the post before this one!
Hell at least this Mom is looking out for her child’s best interests as a mother should. This total shut down of her daughters behavior is a win to me. Extreme or not today’s kids need to be taught better. A slight overreaction is so much better in the long run than an under reaction.
I mean come on. 12 years old? How else can you react? That’s essentially a child were talking about. hats off to mom for sending a message before she got raped or worse because trust me, it was going to happen eventually.
Unfortunately the mother had no choice it seems to me. First, I don’t think she really is going to bust underaged boys for typical teenaged behaviors thinking her daughter was older; I think Mom is just trying to scare everyone into taking her seriously (and good idea in my opinion). Second, frankly, young men need to be cognizant of this issue, and their parents should be alerting them to it. It happened to a number of my teenaged male friends when I was a teenager (I didn’t lie about my age, but I would say MOST teenaged girls do, from what I’ve observed). The boys need to take that into consideration and be prepared to verify age. Also, the mother is right; you don’t ask someone under 18 to send nude photos over the Internet (or via any other means obviously).
This is both an over-reaction and a good thing for the parent.
She should have already been able to either control her child so something like this won’t happen or been monitoring so it couldn’t have happen. Her daughter would have still tried but it would most likely have failed.
Her rules on her 12 yr are a little strict and it could be the way she worded it. I mean is she not only not allowed to date, but also not allowed to go to a friends house? If yes, then that is unreasonable as there needs to be a level or form of trust/boundaries between the two. She needs to have a discussion with just the child in an open and understanding setting or get a therapist to help.
She shouldn’t be only attacking the boys for sexual advances and nudes. Her daughter probably was fine with it seeing as desired attention she may want and didn’t express boundaries, feeling as if they were unnecessary. That could fall back on the parent not expressing what is to be expected or expressing it too.
She should also have already checking in on what her was doing and or if her behavior from the night she snuck out was any different then her normal behavior prior.
The boys should not be blamed as much as most likely they are older/dealing with their hormones and didn’t expect her to lie. The police won’t really press charges hopefully. She should though keep the list of boys though in case this happens again, what with her being a dumb bitch who will let her daughter back on FB when her punishment is over.
The punishment itself is good. She should make a list along with the one with names of boys of everything her daughter did/lied about doing that was wrong. That way if it continues, she can figure out whether to try or give up(have the child live with someone/family who can fix the problem, therapy, or boarding/military school). Also she should delete the FB and take away any privileges this child has until she is a mature, responsible person.
Also, anyone thinking she is going to make the child worse than they already are is completely wrong. Most of the time child raised and treated right(lots of love-little punishment but strict) but spoiled like this one seems, generally don’t get worse as they have may/not have underlying physiological that usually play into factor.
I believe she is doing the right thing by putting the truth out there but she is over stepping a little but involving the school! If you completely shelter he she is only going to act out further. As for threatening the boys i do not believe they should even be involved she lied point blank and that was her choice to do so ! I do believe alot of privileges should be taken away but from the sounds of it she might as well be locked in the basement ! Every teenager makes mistakes and they have to learn from them not never be able to make another mistake again !! I did vote it a win ONLY because 95% of parents are not involved in their kids lives (which from the looks of it if this mother would have steped in sooner this would have been prevented) But she actually did take a stand !
I am guessing that most people saying that this is a parenting fail, the mom is going too far, the mom is a bad mom, etc… are kids and teenagers who do not understand that what this child did is irresponsible, rude and a major brat. What this mom did is a WIN!
As a mother, I voted this as a win, because I would do the same thing, if other parents don’t set limits, rules for their kids, then obviously I would. Theres a reason why they’ll act out as little pervies, it’s because they werent taught any morals otherwise. Parents are their childrens first teachers, and u don’t just guide them, u lead them, u pull them by the ear if u have to. I’m a strict parent, and my kids respect me, and I hear it all the time from my pathetic cousins, who spoil their kids. I was raised very sheltered and by a strict parent, but I turned out perfectly decent, and I’m grateful everyday, because I learned the true values of life and how to become a responsible and respectful member of society. I ain’t perfect and never will, just like every human soul on this planet, but there are limits and boundaries. Technology has its benefits, but they have turned our children into monsters, and it’s up to us parents to take control. I tell my kids all the time, that it’s better safe than sorry”.
What you’re suggesting is that children and parents are supposed to be total bffs which is not happening. You cannot talk to kids like they’re little adults because *they’re not*. They are still *children*. It’s why there’s Juvenile rules for criminals and adult sentences. I don’t know about your parents but my grandmother put the fear of (g)od into me and what she said went. Didn’t matter how I didn’t like it. Didn’t matter that she was in her 60s and didn’t know that the internet didn’t come from the TV.
She was a *parent*. I had to listen to her. She would let me plead my case but I can count on 1 hand how many times it actually work. I still graduated with honors, still graduated college, still got married, have a decent job. Could I skirt the rules? Sure. But did I run over and do drugs or hang out with creepy dudes I met off the internet? No. Because she taught me common sense.
No kid is a ‘special snowflake’. Your kids are important to you but there’s millions of others like them. Teach them that they are important to *you* but above all else: respect.
Unless I’m wrong, Facebook states in it’s TOS that you must be 13 years or older to have an account. So it is the parent’s fail here. Reporting to Facebook that your twelve year old lied about her age and other members are trying to get into her pants is admitting that you allowed your child to violate a legal contract.